Convenience
by Teenager
Summary: He's almost done. But please, just one question left, and it's over. Was I only a convenience?


Argh, my emo rant of the day. My first evar UlquiHime fic, I avoided their names on purpose. Italics are memories.

Disclaimer: I don't own.

**Convenience**

She had spent many weeks waiting for this.

So why?

Dear god, why?

Why does it feel so wrong?

-

All he could see was the darkening ceiling, all he could feel was the cold ground, mercifully unyielding against his back. It was the future: the fate of all that he believed in. He knew, from the moment that he hit the ground, that it was over. Done. He was finally done.

In the dark recesses of his mind, he grasped futilely to the fading reiatsu around him. The familiarity of the Espada was gone, leaving nothing but the stink of shinigami. Trash. He could die surrounded by shinigami and their trash. The end.

The end, he could spend the end looking at the world through a glass, from underwater. Wind like cobwebs brushed over his face, the silence coming down heavily upon him like a blanket.

Of course there was silence, it was all silence. They just couldn't hear it.

He never felt more tired in his life. He was nearly finished, so why was it this hard to wait?

Lips parted, struggling to speak to the retreating forms.

"Woman."

He felt gray eyes focus on him, but he didn't see, and they didn't see the darkness.

"Tell me one last thing. You, you owe me this."

Nothing, heard nothing but silence. Maybe they were saying something, but all he could hear was red.

"Why?"

Now imagine the rest of it. Think, remember. Last thing, almost done.

_Almost done, right?_

_Now finish up and we can go._

"Tell me, was it convenient? Was it… easy?"

_All right. I'm nearly done._

_Take your time, we're in no hurry._

Questions, he could feel the questions.

"Was it just convenient to love me?"

"Was it because I was convenient?"

"Not because I was important?"

Everything was separate, sentence after sentence, as if each came from a different person. Not that he was a different person at all.

_Bells, bells, they keep ringing. It's so loud. No, not bells. Those are guns, aren't they?_

_Mother? What's… happening?_

"Did you love me because I was the only one you could? Because you thought I could hate you, love you?"

"I am."

"Not."

"I am and arrancar, Espada. We do not feel, therefore I cannot feel."

_Nothing is happening, dear, everything will be fine._

_Mother?_

"I can't. Not ever again."

"So tell me, was I convenient?"

"Just tell me, I can't hear you anymore, I can't even see you."

"Say it for him, let him know if you care or not."

"Or is he just convenient?"

_Mother, are we going to die?_

_No, dear. Just finish, and we can go. Nothing is going to hurt you._

_I know._

He laughed, a rasping, metallic sound torn from his throat out of sheer desperation for the truth.

Truth he wasn't going to hear.

"Just say it, admit that you're afraid, afraid because I know you better than you know yourself!"

_Done._

_Done, done. We can go now._

_We are going now._

He felt her running, running away from him. Running from the truth that was a lie.

He knew nothing, only the convenience.

He lied for the truth. He lied to save her.

_Oh, oh. What has happened? Wake up, please wake up, Mother. It's so loud._

_Mother? Why do we bleed? Why are we bleeding? Why does it hurt?_

Farther, farther. He was no longer a convenience. Now, he was finally finished. It was over.

He was gone. With a shuddering breath only he could hear, he tried one last time to see what everyone else could see, and hear something past the silence. He heard. He heard.

He heard an answer, he heard the truth.

"No. You never were a convenience."

_Mother, you lied. Please, don't lie to me again._

Pain all over again, it was gone.

Done.

-

She watched as ice eyes became glass. She heard the silence become still.

And then, it felt right again.

A:N

One of those crazy things, those spur of the moment things, ya kno?

I'll leave this to your interpretation, but I coubt there's much to think about.


End file.
